Bring some more ammo
The company commander saw the results of Private Gibbson's Firing exercise and his face fell. The private exclaimed plaintively: "Sir, I think I am going to commit suicide by shooting myself.""By shooting?" reasked the company commander, "Not a bad idea! But take as many cartridges as possible."
When asked what he thought about the new squad radio, one Army sergeant told the man from the R&D agency: "This squad radio should be replaced with a good whistle."
Little grandson asked: "Granddaddy, when you were in the Army and were posted as sentry at night, were you afraid?"
"I was, grand sonny, but only until I fell asleep."